How Advisors Can 'Talk Smarter' in Tricky Situations

For your next presentation or speech, “embrace informality: Being stiff and distant … can be off-putting” argues Matt Abrahams, founder and principal of TFTS Communication, in an interview with ThinkAdvisor. “More colloquial, less formal, tends to be more connecting.”

A lecturer on communication at Stanford University School of Business, Abrahams, who authored “Speaking Up without Freaking Out,” has published a new book: “Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot” (Simon & Schuster-Sept. 26).

It can help financial advisors, and others, to more effective spontaneous speaking in a variety of situations.

This will “bolster your credibility; and people’s perception of you will be one of trustworthiness and expertise,” he maintains.

In the interview, the host of “Think Fast Talk Smart: The Podcast” provides practical ways for advisors to excel at spontaneous speaking.

What’s the biggest mistake advisors make when speaking off the cuff? Abrahams reveals it.

He also talks about why many advisors put down small talk as “a necessary evil.” But “small talk is about making connections. There’s an art to it,” he insists.

Abrahams also delves into how to calm a client who’s upset, as well as dealing with challenges that crop up in meetings with clients and their adult children.

The communication expert’s firm helps maximize people’s effectiveness in written, spoken and virtual modes of communication (and in hybrids thereof). 

Clients include Principal Financial, Google and Meta.

Before starting his current company, Abrahams, who has conducted research exploring cognitive planning as well as persuasion, co-founded Bold Echo Communications Solutions to help improve folks’ presentation skills.

That followed senior posts at leading software firms, where he created and ran training programs.

ThinkAdvisor recently interviewed Abrahams, who was speaking from his base in Palo Alto.

Opening a Q&A session with “Are there any questions?” is something to be avoided, he insists, and explains why.

He also prescribes a good way to cope with performance anxiety: “Take deep belly breaths.” That, Abrhams says, “slows down your fight-or-flight response.”

Here are highlights of our interview:

THINKADVISOR: What’s the biggest mistake financial advisors make when they speak spontaneously?

MATT ABRAHAMS: Probably, talking too much. They ramble and aren’t as concise as they could be.

They need to be focused on what the client needs, then provide products and services that address those needs rather than describing products and services [beforehand].

Why is it important for advisors to know how to speak well spontaneously? 

If you’re confident in your communication and it comes across as authentic and with fluency — instead of saying all those “um’s” and “uh’s” — you bolster your credibility, and people’s perception of you will be one of trustworthiness and expertise.

Most people have learned how to give a pitch or presentation but not how to handle talking spontaneously.

It’s critical to be comfortable speaking spontaneously because, for example, a client might ask for feedback on a particular stock or plan they want.

Or you might just be making small talk as you get to know a client.

What’s your advice about speaking off the cuff when giving investment recommendations?

One of the [most important] keys to being successful speaking in the moment is to leverage a structure, which is nothing more than a logical connection of ideas — not a list.

I have a great structure of three questions to package your information: “What?” “So what?” “Now what?”

The first: What is the advice or information you’re sharing? The second addresses why it’s a good fit for the client. Third: “Let’s talk about an initial investment and what the terms and conditions are.”

How much small talk is OK when interfacing with clients?

Small talk gets a bad rap. I think it’s very beneficial — but not too much of it. There’s an art to it, a rhythm to get into. The amount of small talk is really hard to [pinpoint]. It’s more a feeling that tells you.

But you should have small talk to get to know people.

Why does small talk get “a bad rap”?

People feel that it’s worthless, a waste of time. Or they feel pressured because they want to do it well and don’t know how. Small talk is all about making connections, not about accomplishing any particular goal.

There are advisors who look at small talk as a necessary evil.

They just want to jump right in and sell the product, get to the decision. They don’t want to chit-chat.

But if you [start selling] too quickly, it’s transactional, and people aren’t going to like that.

Is it useful to tell anecdotes and jokes?

Stories that are appropriate and concise can be very helpful.

But jokes are tricky. Humor is a way to connect, a great way to break the ice. But humor is [subjective]. 

Try to make the humor self-deprecating. Comment about yourself and common things, which aren’t personal attributes that [clients] might feel awkward about [or offended by].

For example, you could talk about not feeling [industrious] because you haven’t had your third cup of coffee yet. 

Try out your jokes on people you know to [gauge] how funny they are. 

One part of your 6-step “Think Faster, Talk Smarter” method is listening deeply to what others are saying. Please explain.

The first step to listening well is to be present and to focus. Think about what the bottom line is of whatever the other person is saying. [That is], if you had to distill it, what’s the key essence? 

The second step is to paraphrase: “What I heard you saying is [so and so].” The person could say, “Right” or “No, that’s not what I meant.” 

So you’re asking follow-up questions, which is a way of signaling that you’re very concerned.

If you aren’t correct, that can be helpful too.

Clients can become angry because, say, an investment didn’t go well. How do advisors defuse a situation in which a client is upset? 

When emotion is involved, you should acknowledge the emotion without naming it: You don’t want to say, “Oh, you’re angry.”

Why? Because the client might say, “I’m not angry; I’m frustrated.” So now you’re arguing over the emotion.

Simply say, “I hear a lot of concern,” or “I appreciate that you have some negative feelings.” 

The next step is to acknowledge the emotion by paraphrasing it. That’s not agreeing — it’s just showing that you understand.