6 Lessons for Clients With Loved Ones in the Hospital

I wanted to know the truth. I finally drove to my primary care doctor’s office to ask him in person for more details.

I then asked: “Could my husband die from this, and should I have my sons fly in?” The primary care doctor hesitated and then said yes.

Also, I learned that there were a number of small blood clots in my husband’s left leg that could result in a stroke.

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Lesson 4: Be aware of the limitations of the hospitalist system.

Many hospitals are now using the hospitalist system. At a hospital using the hospitalist system, every doctor seeing a patient is a specialist in a certain area.

From a management perspective, the system is touted as providing continuity of care for an inpatient.

However, from a spouse’s vantage point, the hospitalist system frustrating.

I never could get in touch with any doctor who could provide a comprehensive picture of all of Bernie’s problems.

My primary care doctor is not allowed to see inpatients, because he is with an outside group practice. But he was able to access the hospital records and keep me updated.

Lesson 5: Take control when needed.

When Bernie was improving and moved to a regular hospital room, I quickly realized that the doctors were talking only to him.

Bernie was also sugarcoating the facts, so I wouldn’t worry. I needed to know all the facts.

I have continually reminded my husband of that — and have now been calling the case manager and other key people to make sure I’m in the loop.

Lesson 6: Memorize these two magic words: unsafe discharge.

Even if a hospital wants to discharge a patient — primarily because of the revised Medicare payment system – you can protest and insist that the patient stay longer.

The words to use are “unsafe discharge.” And then the hospital needs to keep the person for the longer period of time while an appeal is under way.

It was important that my husband be admitted to the hospital’s rehab area, rather than going to an outside facility.

First, because the care in the hospital’s rehab area is excellent; and, second, because Dr. S. wanted to continue to monitor my husband’s progress.

A friend advised me to protest a discharge until my husband was strong enough to get three hours of physical therapy per day, which is the admission requirement.

I called the case manager to introduce myself and told her upfront that I would appeal any discharge plans until my husband was approved to go to their rehab facility.

And it worked: He has now been moved there.

Lesson 7: Use the CaringBridge website to provide updates.

It’s wonderful to have family and friends concerned about my husband’s progress, but it’s overwhelming to be fielding numerous calls, emails and texts in addition to working and going to the hospital every day.

This free website enables you to provide a journal entry and people can then comment.

Lesson 8: Take time for yourself.

You will need it to survive this.

Many days when I leave the hospital I am exhausted and stressed.

My solution right now: gourmet chocolate ice cream.

It does help.

Margie Barrie, an agent with ACSIA Partners, has been writing the LTCI Insider column since 2000. She is the author of two books and a frequent conference speaker.