Turtle-Into-Windshield Collision Gives Stark Reminder Of The Grim Reality Of Mario Kart

Illustration: Jason Torchinsky

You know how when you’re playing Mario Kart and you just gleefully whip a turtle shell at an opponent with the careless abandon of a waterfall? Did you ever stop to think about what the reality of that would be like, especially if that shell contained a living turtle? I suspect not, because, hell, why would you subject yourself to that? Well, now you don’t have to imagine, because it really happened, in Georgia. 

The turtle-smashing happened on May 12 as Latonya Lark was driving down the freeway near Savannah, Georgia with her brother. The turtle, which is presumed to have been struck by another vehicle and launched into the air, was unfortunate enough to be about four or so feet aloft in the same patch of air that Lark’s windshield was occupying at the same time, resulting in this:

This is a real testimony for the strength of turtle shells, as windshield glass is really pretty tough stuff, and that shell punched right through it — at least halfway — with minimal damage.

As Lark noted, the turtle was uninsured, but also seemed to have fared a bit worse despite the shell remaining intact, losing a leg in the impact.

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The injured turtle was taken to a wildlife reserve, according to Lark, though it seems unfortunately that the turtle died four or five days later due to blood loss.

Mario Kart makes it seem like harmless fun, but let’s be real here—having a turtle flung at you while driving at high speeds is no picnic.

Screenshot: Mario Kart

Incredibly, this doesn’t even seem to the be the first time this has happened in reality. So, I guess with that in mind, everyone should take some time to practice their turtle-dodging skills in Mario Kart before undertaking any major trips.

Oh, and if you’re in first place, be extra careful. Those things have spikes.

This story was originally published on May 26, 2020