There's Something Worse Than Tesla's Autopilot

Photo: Jasper Juinen/Bloomberg (Getty Images)

Tesla’s Autopilot is not what most folks would call “good.” Many would also not call it “acceptable,” but only Consumer Reports would be so professional as to say it “lacks” equipment that’s “essential to the safe operation of ADA systems.” There’s just something nice about reading a takedown in such formal language.

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Despite the language, the sentiment is time-honored — Tesla’s software is simply not up to snuff. That led CarrerCrytharis to wonder what else might be dressed up in such official, formalized language. Specifically, what else that we all already know.

Why yes, that tyrant Edward I, he who stole the Stone of Scone and secreted it away to his vile land. A chair! A chair he placed it in! What disrespect he shows to us, what scorn he heaps down from his lofty tower. The coronation chair he calls it, as if such a theft could ever legitimize the coronation of another.

But perhaps, in his greed, he hath formed his own undoing. He thinks that such a symbol cements him as king of England and Scotland both, but does he know not what it represents? “Where’er is found this sacred stone, the Scottish race shall reign.” In his hubris, Longshanks has forgotten those crucial words. He will not reign o’er us, neither now nor ever. We shall reign triumphant over him!

Congratulations, CarrerCrytharis, on your Comment Of The Day win. Here’s a track from Edward’s era, and definitely not hundreds of years later. I know British history so well, and will not be receiving any kind of Slack messages from Owen about how I’ve butchered all of it in service of an extended bit for a single morning blog.

Greensleeves – Celtic Ladies