The Fiat Topolino Would Be $11,000 Well Spent If You Were Allowed To Buy One

Image: Stellantis

We don’t talk about Fiat enough, but that’s not out fault. Right now, the brand’s entire American slate consists of the Fiat 500X, which is staring death in the face, and all we’re certain to receive in the next couple of years is the new electric 500. The Fiat Topolino — a “quadricycle” under European law that 14-year-olds with motorcycle licenses can legally drive — will not be a part of that picture, and that’s a shame. Especially considering it costs less than 10,000 euros, or about $11,000.

Do you know what you could buy for $11,000? No new car, obviously — you’re about 14 years late to that party. And let’s be honest: it’d be slightly disingenuous to call the Topolino or its stubbed-toe-looking French cousin the Citröen Ami “cars.” With 11 grand you could buy a Mac Pro with some upgrades, or three weird Apple goggles with some extra dough for accessories; you could also become a franchisee for a new public nuisance in your town. A couple years ago, you could’ve gotten your hands on this knockoff Cybertruck. It does many of the things the actual Cybertruck is expected to do, plus one more: exist.

The cargo rack comes standard on the Topolino, and is perfect for when you have exactly one ornate bag’s worth of luggage for a getaway.Image: Stellantis

Compared to all those alternatives, I reckon the Topolino would bring the most joy to your life. It looks splendid, even if it only comes in one color. At least it’s a good one. And with a 5.4-kWh battery, it can run for up to 46 miles, with a top speed of 28 mph. That’s far and fast enough to get some places!

Image: Stellantis

Fiat’s also gifted the Topolino some silly accessories, including but not limited to a USB-powered fan, wireless speaker, thermal water bottle and seat covers that can also be used as beach towels. There’s even a little shower head that you can pull out of the car to rinse off on beach trips. No, really — just look at the press materials:

Image: Stellantis

That also happens to be a picture of the Dolcevita model, which goes the extra mile with the quirks. This Topolino swaps doors for ropes and a conventional roof for a rollable cabrio top.

Interested customers in Italy and France can place their reservations for the Topolino today. You and I can’t. You know the deal.