Tesla Q2 Profits Fall 45 Percent, But Elon's Gonna Turn That Around By Selling A Humanoid Robot To Every Single Person On Earth

Tesla held its Q2 earnings call last night, and, well, it certainly was something. My brain matter may currently be leaking out of my ears after listening to Elon Musk talk for so long, but I did it for all of you, our valued readers. Was it worth it? Of course not. And yet, I did it anyway. You’ve got to tune in when the New York Times reports Tesla’s profits dropped by 45 percent year-over-year.

Tesla Had A Very Interesting Week

Interestingly, Tesla’s revenue was actually up in Q2 compared to the same time period in 2023. Still, despite bringing in $25.5 billion versus $24.9 billion in Q2 2023, Tesla’s profit fell from $2.7 billion to $1.5 billion. Or, to put it another way, Tesla’s operating profit margin dropped from 9.6 percent to 6.3 percent year-over-year. That also comes after Tesla increased its sale of carbon credits from $282 million in Q2 2023 to $890 million in the same time period this year. Oh, and Tesla’s Q2 sales were also down 4.8 percent, and production dropped by 14 percent.

If that all sounds like bad news for Tesla, that’s because it is. The disappointing results may also be getting to Musk, because he sounded both tired and completely disinterested in being on the call. He’s never been the best public speaker, but something definitely felt off on this call. Considering past reports, you might assume he was on drugs, but I’m pretty sure he actually would’ve sounded better if he actually had been on drugs.

Don’t worry, though. Elon has a plan. The humanoid Tesla robot, which he oh-so-creatively decided to call Optimus, will allegedly be ready for sale late next year, and then it’s gonna be over for us hoes. When asked how many he thought he’d sell, Musk replied that everyone is going to want one, and there are eight billion people on Earth, so that’s eight billion sales right now. Add in industrial uses, and Tesla’s going to sell 20 billion Optimus robots on its way to becoming a $5-trillion company.

Also, Tesla is going to solve autonomy, and then your car will be able to make you a ton of money when you aren’t driving it, and the whole fleet will be networked as some kind of giant AI supercomputer. Why Tesla would sell cars to people at that point instead of simply operating its own massive robotaxi fleet and keeping all the revenue to itself, I don’t fully understand, but if Musk is to be believed (and he isn’t) that’s still the plan going forward.

If you’re not fully sold on this vision, Musk repeated the same thing he said on the last earnings call — either buy in or cash out. Tesla is an AI robotics company now, and anyone who’s worried about the car business needs to sell their shares.

God, I need a drink.

Wait, I’m supposed to be writing this like it’s not currently 7:30 p.m.

Man, I really needed that first beer last night. I was so worn out.