Secret Service Member's Car Hit by Stolen Pizza Dough Truck

Photo: DC Fire and EMS

Typically, when you think about the dangers that Secret Service members have to face, it’s stuff like getting shot by someone trying to assassinate the president. Or getting hit by a car driven by someone trying to assassinate the president. You know, mostly trying-to-assassinate-the-president things. We all know the secret service does other things, but movies and TV shows really only show them doing that one thing. But we’d love to see a movie or TV show depict the most recent danger to the secret service: stolen pizza dough trucks.

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Fox 5 reports that someone in Washington, D.C. stole a truck full of pizza dough on Wednesday. But instead of simply driving away and baking their ill-gotten gains into delicious homemade pizzas (which would have 100 percent been a meal), they crashed it into a Secret Service member’s personal car that was sitting parked on the street. The Secret Service member was uninjured, but the pizza dough truck thief was taken to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries.

The thief didn’t just crash a pizza dough truck, though. They also managed to flip it on its side, spilling the pizza dough everywhere. Photos posted by DC Fire and EMS show the contents of the truck strewn along the sidewalk, never to become the delicious pizzas they were originally intended to be. And the cleanup ended up being more difficult than you’d think — not because of all the sticky dough, but because they had to bring in a hazmat team to offload the truck’s diesel fuel.

Why the thief stole the pizza dough truck, who they are, and what they planned to do with it before they crashed, we still don’t know. But hopefully, they recover quickly so we don’t have to wait around for answers.