North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson Was Not Burned Trying To Have Sex With A Truck

North Carolina’s Lieutenant Governor Mark Robinson has been credibly accused of previously being a frequent poster in a porn forum, which wouldn’t be so bad if he hadn’t allegedly referred to himself as a “black NAZI” and said he supported bringing back slavery. He also referred to himself as a “perv,” so when we heard he’d been treated for burns sustained when he touched a truck, it was only natural to assume he’d tried to fuck it. If you hear that rumor, do not repeat it because it is false.

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Details were scarce when the story first broke, and it was hard to understand how simply touching a truck at a show could burn you so badly you’d need to go to the hospital. Sure, if it had been left out in the hot sun, it probably wouldn’t have been enjoyable to rest your hand on it for long, but surely, any sane person would remove their hand from the car’s hot body before they required medical first aid, much less a visit to the hospital.

There are also only so many places a random person at a truck show could touch a state gubernatorial candidate might reasonably touch a truck at a show, so it just made sense that the exhaust would be involved somehow. Exactly how it happened, though, was still a mystery. Who goes around touching tailpipes? It just didn’t make any sense unless the self-described “perv” had other reasons to be interested in the truck’s exhaust. It just made sense.

Now that the entire story has come out, though, it’s clear that was not the case. Robinson has since explained that the truck was actually a “big rig” that he was riding in during a parade. According to Robinson, as he attempted to get out of the truck, a crowd of supporters flocked to his side, and, in an attempt to avoid hurting anyone, ended up accidentally touching the exhaust pipe, burning his hand in the process. Hopefully, he recovers quickly even if he clearly already has plenty of experience typing with one hand.

So there you have it, folks. It really was just a simple mistake this whole time and not the actions of a self-described “perv” who was trying to bring back dragoning. Much like Senator JD Vance and couches, we can’t prove that Robinson has never fucked a truck, but there simply isn’t any evidence to support any allegations that he ever has, nor is there any evidence to suggest his explanation is false. So again, if you hear a rumor that North Carolina Lt. Gov. Mark Robinson burned his dick fucking a hot exhaust pipe, it is false, and you should not repeat it.