Naked Florida Couple Crashes into FedEx Truck While Doing Things We Can't Explicitly Describe in a Headline

In what can only be considered a master class in what Not To Do, a couple ended up with some interesting “minor” injuries after wrecking their SUV head-on into a FedEx van while naked in Fort Lauderdale, Florida last Thursday evening.

Well, the newscaster at ABC Local 10 called the injuries sustained by the male driver of the SUV as minor. I’ll let you be the judge of just how severe the injury was:

At the time of the crash, the woman inside the SUV was performing oral sex on the male driver, according to Fort Lauderdale Fire Rescue who responded to the scene.

[…]

The driver of the SUV sustained injuries to his private area due to what was going on at the time of the crash, according to FLFR.

Chomp.

The report says the two people in the FedEx truck also sustained minor injuries, but I’m questioning what ABC 10 considers minor. Judging by the images of a pantless, prone individual surrounded by cops filled with pity and quiet resignation, the SUV driver might describe his injuries differently.

Oral sex while driving, affectionately known as “road head,” isn’t terribly well studied, but to my immense satisfaction there are a few stats out there. A 2014 study of students at the University of South Dakota found that 33 percent of men and 9 percent of women engaged in some sort of sexual activity while driving. Some took this intense form of distracted driving even further, with a third saying that the sexual activity caused them to drift out of their lane and 11 percent saying that such activity required removing their hands from the wheel. The Argus Leader spoke to USD professor Cindy Struckman-Johnson who was slightly defensive of her study:

“There are people getting killed out there because they’re having sex while driving, either with themselves or with another person,” Struckman-Johnson said. “If they’re getting killed, we have an obligation to understand it.”

It’s definitely proven dangerous in the past, like in 2015, when a “distracted driver,” also in Florida, killed a bicyclist in a hit-and-run while receiving oral sex. A man in San Jose, California killed a woman and seriously injured two others as he was receiving oral sex while driving in 2021. In general, it’s best not to drive distracted. When it comes to driving, stay off the phone and don’t get blown.