Maybe Don't Leave Your Wallet In A Car You Stole

Screenshot: WKRN

There was a time at some vague point in the past when, if you wanted to commit a crime, you had to be smart about it; make a disguise, adopted a fake accent or secured a safe house and trusted fence who could sell your stolen merchandise. Not anymore, it seems.

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Take, for example, Antioch, Tennessee’s Ronald Alexander. He was recently arrested for stealing a green Kia Soul, WKRN reports. Stealing a Kia is kind of a cliche at this point, but you’ve got to start somewhere while you build up your skills if you ever want to successfully make off with a rare Ferrari collection the night before the auction. He’s clearly still in the process of pulling himself up by his bootstraps. What I can blame him for is not just getting caught but the way he got caught.

According to the news report, police responding to a report of a suspicious vehicle found the Soul with the wrong license plate. Swapping out the real tag for a different one was definitely a smart move, but that’s only a temporary solution. You’ve gotta get that car to the chop shop ASAP, buddy. Still, there was no way to tie the car to anyone in particular. It was just a car parked on the street.

Except, actually, there was. Do you know how the police connected Alexander to the crime? He left his gat-dang wallet in the car, complete with his ID. Are you kidding me? That is not appropriate car theft behavior. That’s not even appropriate car-that-you-own behavior. What’s next, are you going to tell me he left his phone in the car, too, complete with a video of him planning the crime with his friends?