‘Martians Wanted’ NASA Is Looking For 4 Volunteers To Pretend They're On Mars For A Year

Would you like to be stuck in a box with three other strangers for a year, pretending to be on Mars? Yeah? OK, weirdo, I’ve got good news for you. NASA is looking for a handful of people to do just that.

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Here’s what’s going on. NASA wants applicants to participate in a simulated one-year Mars surface mission right here on Earth. It’s going to be the second of three planned ground-based missions inside a 1,700-square-foot Mars simulation called the Crew Health and Performance Exploration Analog (CHAPEA). You’ll be following in the footsteps of the inaugural team who are currently halfway through their journey, according to a press release from NASA.

The 3D-printed slice of the Red Planet – called Mars Dune Alpha – is located at NASA’s Johnson Space Center in Houston, Texas, but you wouldn’t know this was Texas from the inside. NASA wants it to feel like something worlds away, and I guess it sort of does.

Photo: AFP (Getty Images)

The crew of four will be locked inside this human terrarium for about 365 days, and they’re expected to carry out “mission activities” like collecting geological samples, exercising and practicing personal hygiene and health care. Each fauxstronaut will have their own sleeping quarters, but they’ll share a kitchen, two bathrooms, a medical station, working spaces and recreational areas. It’s like a dorm but in a bubble.

Now, this won’t exactly be a walk – or float – in the park for the four crew members. Each of them will have to deal with minimal contact with the outside world, limited resources, periods of isolation and equipment failures. Jesus Christ, this sounds awful to me. They’ll also have to take simulated spacewalks, operate robotics, perform maintenance on the habitat, exercise and grow crops. That’s too much work, man. I’d just want to chill on Mars.

Photo: AFP (Getty Images)

There’s just one thing NASA cannot simulate: Mars’s gravity, which is about 38 percent of the Earth’s surface gravity. That’s too bad, because it seems like the most fun part of space.

Here’s a little more information on who NASA is looking for, from the egg heads themselves:

NASA is looking for healthy, motivated U.S. citizens or permanent residents who are non-smokers, 30-55 years old, and proficient in English for effective communication between crewmates and mission control. Applicants should have a strong desire for unique, rewarding adventures and interest in contributing to NASA’s work to prepare for the first human journey to Mars.

Anyway, the mission kicks off in the Spring of 2025, and applicants have until Tuesday, April 2 to submit their application at this link.