John Oliver Offers Clarence Thomas $2.4 Million Motor Coach And $1 Million A Year To Leave Supreme Court

Elon Musk’s least favorite Brit, John Oliver, isn’t what you would call a big fan of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. And yet, in a rare showing of bipartisanship, Oliver is willing to reach across the aisle to work out an agreement with the conservative justice. On the season premiere of “Last Week Tonight,” Oliver announced that he’s offering Thomas $1 million a year to retire from the Supreme Court, and to sweeten the deal, he’ll also throw in a Prevost Marathon motor coach valued at about $2.4 million.

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Will Thomas take the deal? Of course not. Being on the Supreme Court is how he funds his lavish lifestyle, and it’s not like his billionaires are going to see much value in continuing to lavish him with gifts if he can no longer vote their way in important court cases. With Thomas gone, who will be left to strip away women’s rights, roll back decades of federal regulations and bring a completely impartial ear to January 6 cases that directly involve his wife?

Sure, someone would be appointed to replace him if he resigned, but there’s no way President Biden would nominate a soulless ghoul backed by both the Heritage Foundation and the Federalist Society, so you can understand why Thomas would have his reservations.

Still, a million dollars a year until either you or John Oliver dies is a whole lot of money. That’s almost enough to buy enough Rolexes to finally get on the waiting list to buy the Rolex you originally wanted to buy. That’s too good to take home leftovers from the restaurant money. Heck, he could even pay for his own luxury vacations instead of having to depend on his rich friends’ charity. And you’re telling us he also gets a custom-built, multi-million-dollar luxury motor coach on top of all that?

For those who don’t know, this is an especially sweet deal for Thomas, a long-time motorhome enthusiast. Unfortunately for him, his quarter-million-dollar salary as a public servant doesn’t allow for him to buy anything nicer than a 1999 luxury motor coach, and even then, buying it involved taking out a loan from a rich friend, making only a few payments and then having his friend forgive the rest of the loan.

Having a brand new motor coach would completely change things for the everyday working man on the highest court in the land. The one he currently drives only cost about as much as he made in a year, but this one is a whole lot nicer. Like nice enough to be ten times more expensive. It’s got a king-size bed in a full-size master bedroom, 1.5 baths, “a fucking fireplace,” four TVs, a washer/dryer, and “a residential-sized fridge.”

A similarly priced coach on the Marathon website says it also features an underbelly BBQ and refrigerator, electric bay cargo roll-outs, heated floors, an appliance center, a patented Freedom Plus sewer system, and a patented TechLink electrical system. So fancy! And all he has to do to get it is retire from the Supreme Court, ending his term as one of, if not the, most corrupt Supreme Court justices that this country has ever seen. It really is the deal of a lifetime.