Jeremy Clarkson is Finally Taking Reservations for his New Restaurant, Diddly Squat

Photo: Diddly Squat Farm Shop

Jeremy Clarkson’s restaurateur ambitions have come to fruition, it seems. The former host of Top Gear — and current host of the Grand Tour — is taking a break from his “very busy year” to open his farm-to-table restaurant, Diddly Squat, in Oxfordshire, UK. Clarkson says that reservations are now open. Indeed, not only are reservations open, but necessary; Clarkson doesn’t need walk-ins.

The host-turned-farmer formally invited folks to his rustic restaurant, which serves “amazing food” grown at the Diddly Squat Farm. Or reared, as in the case of five cows shown in Clarkson’s tweet and the Diddly Squat reservation page.

But never mind the cattle. They’re probably not going to just stand there and watch as you eat the best hamburgers in the world — which the adjacent farm shop advertises. Clarkson’s farm shop and restaurant seem like they’re all about freshly grown food and minimizing “food miles.” This reduces food’s carbon footprint, and that’s a good thing. It’s, more or less, on message for someone who loves cars as much as Jeremy Clarkson, because food production is a major contributor to carbon emissions, specifically, meat products.

That could explain the cows and their disapproving stare. But before reserving a table at Diddly Squat, you should know a few things: don’t bring any cash because it’s not accepted; there’s no menu; and the restaurant has mostly outdoor seating. So, bring a jacket unless you plan on splurging on one at a Jeremy Clarkson-owned, farm-to-market restaurant.

The more expensive reservation has an option to dine in a tiny VIP room that barely seats four. Seats start at £49 per person, and go up to £69 for VIPs. That’s about $59, and up to $83 here in the United States based on current exchange rates.

It was probably just a matter of time before Diddly Squat farm culminated in a restaurant where one could eat food that may have even been grown by Clarkson himself. And I suppose its name isn’t so bad. It’s pithy, I guess. I’m partial to something more kitsch, or a silly play on words. I’d have called it the “Diddly Squash” and refused to serve any dish with the (delicious) vegetable. Hey, we all need a gimmick; Jeremy Clarkson’s is now cultivating the image of a quiet, countryside restaurant owner in between seasons of the Grand Tour.