I Never Honk My Car Horn, Does That Make Me Better Than You?

It has been brought to my attention that Ineos delivers the new Grenadier off-roader with a polite little “toot” button on the steering wheel to offer pedestrians and cyclists a comforting notification that you’re nearby and see them, bringing you to their attention without startling or deafening them. I think this is a great idea that should be implemented in more vehicles, because horns are obnoxious and should be used as infrequently as possible. But it got me thinking about how much I would actually use it, because I never honk my horn. And that might make me better than you.

I brought this up in the Jalopnik slack this morning, and was met with a barrage from many of my co-workers that they absolutely relish every opportunity to lay on the beeps. I was simply appalled, taken aback, and distraught that the people I work with every day are animals on America’s roadways, peppering their daily commutes with more beeps than a radio-edit Eminem track. For shame. Okay, I’m being overly dramatic about it, but only just.

Screenshot: Slack

If you asked a psychiatrist, I’m sure they’d find many nature and nurture reasons why I just don’t give a honk. For one thing, I grew up in rural Michigan, meaning there are far fewer cars on the road to even honk at, and you can combine that with a populous that would much prefer to die in a barn fire than be rude to a stranger. My parents are also very calm, cool, and collected behind the wheel. I don’t have the most vivid of memories, but I can’t think of a time when my mother used her car horn, either. Thirdly, I ride motorcycles a lot and have found that it has made me a far more attentive and heads-up driver, meaning I don’t often get into situations which might require a horn, like sitting in someone’s blind spot as they try to merge. And finally, I don’t think horns actually do anything but make people mad, so I avoid them as a matter of fact.

In most municipalities honking is technically illegal. It’s rarely enforced, but even the California Vehicle Code states that the driver of a motor vehicle “when reasonably necessary to insure safe operation shall give audible warning with his horn. The horn shall not otherwise be used, except as a theft alarm system.” That means you can’t honk to voice your displeasure, you can’t honk to tell someone to look up from their smart phone as the light has turned green, and you can’t honk to celebrate a sports team victory or whatever. “Indiscriminate horn honking can confuse drivers and pedestrians,” cited a Circuit Judge in California debating whether horn honking is constitutionally-protected speech in Porter v. Martinez.

It has gotten to the point that many of my cars simply don’t have horns anymore. I’ve swapped all of my sports car steering wheels out for smaller diameter Momo wheels, and I’ve stopped worrying about hooking up the horn again during the install process because I never use them anyway.

I realize that honking is viewed differently in different cultures. I’ve been to New York City once. At a certain point it’s just noise pollution, and makes everything unpleasant for everyone. Are you a habitual horn user, or do you refrain like me? I feel like there can’t be anything in between. You’re either one extreme or the other. Discuss.