How To Fly Like A Decent Human Being

An air traveler puts his shoes back on after passing through the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) security check at Los Angeles International Airport (LAX) on February 20, 2014 in Los Angeles, California.Photo: AFP PHOTO / ROBYN BECK (Getty Images)

There are never enough seats after security for everyone to put their travel lives back together. When I recently flew to California, I saw one couple take up two seats for their carry-ons, and then a seat each to put on their shoes. Once their shoes were on, they lingered in front of the seats chatting about what overpriced underwhelming breakfast they’d pick up in the terminal. If looks could kill I’d be on the hook for a double homicide right now, and no jury in the world would convict me.

You are allowed to take up space, but how much space and where is important. No one wants to try and shove their shoes back on while standing and trying to balance their carry on and documentation. There are plenty of places to sit in the terminal or near your gate. These seats are for one purpose only. Re-shod yourself, and then make like a tree and leave.

Oh, and a little bonus tip from a cranky old woman: Wear actual shoes with socks to the airport. No one wants to see your bare feet flapping along what has got to be the dirtiest floor on God’s green Earth not found in a New York subway station. This how you get flesh eating bacteria, people!