Here's $Whatever, buy the perfect new car for Halloween
That’s right, it’s come to this: a theme week! And because Halloween is in five days, this shall be the “Catspaw” of our weekly series devoted to giving our editors some (fake) money and telling them to buy a car of some sort.
In short, our editors must pick a new car that would make a perfect accessory for Halloween. Is it spooky in some way? Painted orange? Is it just a Jeep since almost all their cars are named after things you could also dress up as for Halloween? I mean, I guess you could dress up as a compass. But please not a Cherokee.
Any who, I’m going with new cars here, because someone would assuredly find some old hearse or a black Flex which looks like a hearse or something crazily modified to look like the Munster mobile.
OK, the rules.
There is no price cap this week, it’s more about the theme than sound purchasing decisions.
Again, the car must be new.
You must explain why it would be good for Halloween, be it by itself OR as an accessory for your own costume (for example, picking a Ferrari 308 because you’re going as Magnum P.I., but like a new car version of that).
Jeep Wrangler Willys in Sarge Green
Senior Editor James Riswick: I originally wanted to find a Tuscadero Pink Jeep Wrangler because what could be a more perfect Halloween vehicle in 2023 than a Barbie Jeep?!? Sadly, it turns out I really shot myself in the foot with that whole “must be new thing” cause they discontinued them after 2022. That’s a load of crap right there, it’s a brilliant color. Fortunately, Jeep still sells a Wrangler that is essentially wearing a Halloween costume. The Willys trim level in Sarge Green is a brand new Wrangler trying to look like an original, WWII-spec, Willys Army Jeep. That seems perfect for the task, though dressing up as George Patton seems less fun than Ryan Gosling.
Dodge Charger Daytona SRT Banshee
Managing Editor Greg Rasa: Riswick’s rules say “new.” That is very limiting, and excludes this restored 1901 horse-drawn hearse I found for sale that is pretty creepy. But, loophole: The Dodge Charger Daytona EV is a car that’s so new it’s not even on sale yet. We just saw an example of Dodge’s performance EV in chassis form last week, which includes indications that the car may come in ICE form as well as EV. Either way, the concepts look wicked. Going beyond the “Demon” and “Hellcat” names, which are already a staple of Halloween at Autoblog, “Banshee” sounds even more demented, and the Banshee badge on the fender reinforces that impression. In case you don’t know specifically what a banshee is, other than having a general sense it’s spooky, here’s a definition: A banshee was a female spirit in Irish folklore who “heralds the death of a family member, usually by screaming, wailing, shrieking, or keening.” Which is not exactly the sound this car’s Fratzonic “exhaust” pipes makes, but we’ve mostly only heard it at idle. When you get a chance to drive this car in a year or so, it might be you who’s shrieking.
Undoubtedly you’ll be able to get this in Go Mango orange.
EarthRoamer SX
Senior Editor Jeremy Korzeniewski: For reasons I won’t delve into here, I don’t do Halloween. I actually want to get as far from it as I can, and to that end, my wife and I usually try to get outdoors far away from the hubbub of the holiday to enjoy what’s often one of the nicest times of the year. We often hike on Halloween when it falls on a day we can get away, but if someone is handing me a blank check and telling me I can buy a vehicle as my own form of anti-celebration, well … I’ll go with this million-plus-dollar EarthRoamer SX. It’s based on the heaviest of heavy-duty trucks, is powered by a stonking Duramax diesel engine and sends its nearly immeasurable amount of torque to all four wheels, which in this case wear thick, chunky off-road tires. It’s extremely capable, and just as impressively luxurious inside. This rig ought to get us right where we want to be, which is to say the middle of nowhere.
BMW i7
Road Test Editor Zac Palmer: I think I successfully chose the tackiest possible combination of car and color possible, but man it just fits too perfectly with the Halloween theme. The bottom main color of this i7 is Fireorange III Uni, while the top is Black Sapphire Metallic, and it’s what you can dream up when you open BMW’s Individual Visualizer. I picked the i7 for a couple other reasons besides the obvious orange and black two-tone paint on offer, though. For one, looking at it directly from the front could very well be startling for some. The i7 is one of BMW’s new designs that hasn’t felt right with me from the start, and its scary face is even more pronounced with the M Sport trimmings and orange all over. But also, I picked the i7 because I adore this EV. If I had to drive home in any big luxury EV as a daily driver today, it’d be the i7 – for all of these reasons. And no, I wouldn’t spec mine in this wild orange combo, but for a night of trunk or treating, it’s hard to imagine a more popular car to show up in. You can even play scary movies on the Theater Screen as you pass candy out.
Chevrolet Corvette Z06
Associate Editor Byron Hurd: We desperately needed some more orange in this listicle. Fear not, I’m here, and (surprise surprise), I’ve put together a GM performance vehicle. On the Blackwing, they call this “Blaze Orange,” but the Z06 gets “Amplify Orange Metallic.” I’m betting it’s the same tint with a different process, but either way, with one of the Z06’s several black wheel, stripe and carbon packages, it’s basically the Mr. Potato Head of automotive jack-o-lanterns. That’s why you want one, right? Because otherwise, what’s the point of owning mid-engine American supercar with a 5.5-liter, naturally aspirated, flat-plane crank V8? I can only think of about 670 reasons. And Ken would look better in a Corvette; I don’t care what Riswick said.
