Help! I'm Thinking About Chrysler's Gross 2001 Concorde Commercial Again

Every night I wish I was in a grave.Screenshot: Jarrod Reid via YouTube

Oh no, it’s happening again. I’m thinking about the Chrysler Concorde sex commercial from 2001. God help me. I can’t go through this again.

Yes, this was a real commercial that Chrysler aired in 2001. It was so controversial back then, the automaker pulled the original version (the one you’ll see in a second) and replaced it with a watered-down recut. A Slate article from 2001 does a good job of recapping the whole saga, including the revolted reaction from the TV-watching public. (Despite what the YouTube video title might try to tell you, the ad was never “banned,” it was simply recut after Chrysler started getting complaints.)

Everything about it is so bad, I can’t look away. I just watch it over and over again. Those seven words. Those seven damn words — “How did she get the name Concorde?” — ring out in my head like tinnitus. It’s painful. It’s gross. It’s YUCK.

There’s just so much wrong here. Let’s go through and really evaluate every weird-ass line in this Godforsaken menace of a car commercial.

The mother explains, TO HER OWN DAUGHTER WHO IS NO MORE THAN 10 YEARS OLD, that she was named after the place she was conceived, which is Savannah. Whomst the hell would tell their child that. “Your dad and I stayed at a Motel 6 in Georgia, and now you’re here.” What the hell man? The mom sort of looks like Hillary Clinton, which is unsettling to me. I figured she was more of a Ford person.Savannah then asks Hillary/Mom why her sister’s name is Concorde. You guessed it. It’s because mom and dad desecrated the backseat of their full-size Chrysler. The horror on Savannah’s face. It’s palpable. She wishes to be dead, and so do I.WHO THE HELL NAMES THEIR CHILD CONCORDE??? Even if you’re going for the “name the kid after where they were conceived” bullshit it still wouldn’t make sense. Savannah is named Savannah after the city. If they were going by the Concorde naming logic, Savannah’s name would be “Best Western” or some shit like that.
AWH YUCKI hope they cleaned up

We are all Savannah.Screenshot: Jarrod Reid via YouTube

No one who worked on this ad will ever see heaven. I promise you that much. How was this the best way to convey how big the back seat of the Concorde is?

I’m sorry if this is ruining your day, but if I have to watch this ad that God forgot, so do you.