Great News, F1 Drivers: Your Next Brothel Visit Is Free!

Photo: Dan Istitene – Formula 1 (Getty Images)

Being a Formula 1 driver has always seemed like a pretty good gig, but for the fellas hitting the track at the Las Vegas Grand Prix, things just got even better: The Chicken Ranch brothel is offering free “special one-on-one sessions” with any driver looking for a taste of Nevada’s other type of action ahead of the race, TMZ reports.

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Addison Gray and Alice Little are, according to the site, two of the stars at Chicken Ranch, and these licensed sex workers are here to make sure everyone has a good time. The quotes here are honestly the best part of the entire story, so I’m going to quote them right from TMZ:

“It’s Formula 1 fever in Las Vegas this month and we’re all psyched up for the big event,” Little told us.

“Any driver that wants to get their hearts racing and celebrate the F1 with me and Addison will be treated to 100% complimentary coitus.”

Well, that’s great and everything, but out of the thousands of folks expected to flock to Las Vegas this weekend, free sex for 20 guys isn’t exactly all that exciting. Chicken Ranch hears your frustration, and they’re willing to give everyone a half-off discount if you’re in town for the race.

“Our discount isn’t just a gesture of love for F1; it’s an invitation for fans to revel in an experience where sex appeal is celebrated, not sidelined. Because in our world, glamour isn’t forbidden; it’s the star of the show!” Gray told TMZ.

The article also featured what may be my favorite quote about anything, ever: “Everyone who made F1 in Vegas possible deserves a break, and we’re here to provide some well-oiled appreciation.”

F1 drivers, if you take up Gray or Little on their offer, please email me at eblackstock [at] jalopnik [dot] com. I have so many questions.