God's Perfect Corvette Is For Sale in Canada
Here at the Jello Picnic Website, we think a lot about Corvettes. We review them, rank them, and generally use them as the divine prophet Zora Arkus-Duntov intended. As a whole, we usually even like them, though we’ve never found one to be unimpeachably perfect. At least, not until today.
Today, that all changes. Today, we’ve been introduced to a Corvette that eclipses all others. Today, we gaze long into Canada’s redneck heart and find it gazing back, presenting us with the purest distillation of our hearts’ desires. It turns out we never wanted mid-mounted engines, sub-three-second zero-to-60 times, or supercar-killing handling. All we ever really wanted was a Corvette that can go out for a rip.
Enter this perfectly bashed-up C4, presented in the correct Corvette color of yellow. At first glance, you may notice a few mods — the rear wing certainly isn’t standard, nor are the ground effects that surround the body. Look closer, though, and you’ll notice something even more interesting: the ‘Vette body is jacked up on an off-road chassis that wears 35″ tires.
According to the Kijiji ad, the angular Corvette body is resting atop a 1990 Ford Bronco chassis, with a Dana 44 axle in the rear and twin I-beam independent suspension up front. The hood hides a small block Ford motor, a GM distributor and MSD ignition, and an Edelbrock four-barrel carburetor feeding fuel and air. It can run in front-, rear-, or all-wheel drive, and the seller even claims it’s set up for four-wheel steering if you feel like fixing up the hydraulic system. If you want anything more out of this car, no earthly power can help you.
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Is it sacrilege to turn a Corvette into a Ford-based mud truck? Probably. Does that matter, in the face of a vehicle as perfect as this one? Absolutely not. Buy this Corvette, get it running right, and just fuckin’ send ‘er, bud.
