Give It A Gold Watch

Photo: Jetlinerimages (Getty Images)

Tires never seem to last as long as you’d like them to — either they wear out prematurely, or they fall victim to rocks, nails, or potholes. But we drivers have it better than pilots, whose tires never make it to 500 landings. While Ryan posed the question of why plane tires wear out so quickly, CarrerCrytharis didn’t wait for the answer. They jumped right to the top of the comments, and answered the best way anyone knows how: Puns.

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I, for one, am shocked that plane tires even last that long. Every day, thousands of pounds of weight crash down on them from speeds and altitudes otherwise unachievable by humans — of course they’re going to wear out quickly. That’s an incredible amount of mechanical stress.

While we’re at it, it’s a little shocking that planes work at all. We keep building metal tubes that can be hurtled around the globe, full of air and people and luggage, and they only sometimes disintegrate back into their component parts (even less frequently if they aren’t made by Boeing).

With all that jobsite stress, it’s no wonder airplane tires rotate out of the workforce more quickly. If I were them, I’d be demanding a fair severance package and employer-covered mental healthcare. You heard it here first, folks: Airplane tires need to unionize.

Congratulations, CarrerCrytharis, on your Comment Of The Day win. Here’s a track about work, aging, and retirement — or the lack thereof, depending on the business you’re in. The subject of “Bones Don’t Rust” may not get a gold watch after thirty years of paying their dues, but the airplane tires just might. Again, something they’ll need to get in their union contract.

Bones Don’t Rust