Couple Learns The Hard Way That You Should Always Engage The Parking Brake Before Banging In The Back Seat

Screenshot: NBC 10 Philadelphia

A Philly man and woman escaped without injury after their Range Rover rolled into the Schuylkill River. The pair were “engaged in sexual activity” at the time, around 4:27 a.m. on August 28, according to police reports. The car was parked on Kelley Drive when the pair were allegedly getting busy in the back seat. The woman reportedly “disengaged the gear” which caused the car to roll into the water. The full extent of what happened will really only be known between the two individuals party to the incident, but you know, we can guess.

Car pulled from the Schuylkill River after entering the water in Philadelphia

Everyone who has had sex in the back seat of a car knows that the first thing you have to do is stretch. The second thing you have to do, however, is engage the dang parking brake. You don’t want to be in the back of the car arms and legs akimbo and accidentally put the car in a position to roll away like this. In the throes of passion, you won’t always know where your arms and legs are in relation to your surroundings, so you can definitely knock a shifter out of park.

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Always park on level ground, always engage the parking brake, and always turn the car off. Also wear protection and make sure you get enthusiastic consent before continuing. These are non-negotiables.

The Rover went into the drink well before most people would be awake on a Wednesday morning. It took a little over two hours for crews to retrieve the car, which will almost certainly be totaled. In addition to being a bit tore up, the water got into damn near everything, and it almost certainly will never operate correctly again. Plus some people had sex in it, and that’s just gross.