A Visit From Rocketman St. Nick

’Twas a few days before Christmas; and truth be told

I just was not feeling the season of silver and gold

The team had gone out, there was no one on Slack

But we’d need one more post, to keep numbers on track

So I with my dogs, and bourbon and phone

Settled in for the night; to watch Home Alone

To see if we could find some holiday cheer

Without letting actual human beings get too near

When from my notifications; there arose such a clatter

I opened up Slack to see what was the matter

“We need one more post! Not just any will do!”

And since I know you’re at home, I nominate you!”

Bob’s message received, but the news cycle looked bleak.

I’d need to find some content, far and wide I would seek

I opened a new window to see what is happening

I spotted Rocketman Robert Maddox, on a rocket sled, laughing

Santa Clause and his rocket sleigh!

He’d mounted his jet-engine go-kart on skis

To buzz across snow with the greatest of ease

Dressed up like Santa, the sled roared across snow

While filming it all on his hand-held Go-Pro. 

His year-round white beard blown back in the breeze

And his cheeks turned rosy from temps around 12 degrees

The speed made him giddy, as he steered with one hand

(Seriously though, get a proper mount, my good man)

His engine was glowing, like the neon “Beer” light at bars

This was much more fun than some boring news about cars

Suddenly I was smiling as I opened up kinja

Rocketman sparked my Christmas spirit, like a holiday ninja

This Santa isn’t hauling gifts; he’s hauling ass!

I wrote in a post, with wording quite crass

But what can you expect? This is Jalopnik

And Robert Maddox isn’t actually St. Nick

Neither sinner not saint, Maddox is just a fun dude

Who’s speed-happy joy always lifts my mood

And his message is one some of us need to hear

“Have a great Christmas, and a Happy New Year!”