I Bought A Decade-Old BMW Adventure Bike Sight Unseen

Two weeks ago, I sold my 2022 BMW G310GS. I was the first owner, and it was just about due for its first oil change when I rode it off to that great scrapyard in the sky (New Jersey) to pass it on to its next caretaker. Mechanically, functionally, it was perfect — I just wanted something more. More power, more cylinders, more ground clearance.

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Two days later, I took the train north out of Manhattan for a few hours to meet the seller of this: A 2013 BMW F800GS. Of course, meeting up was only a formality for paperwork — I’d already bought the bike based on a single blurry FaceTime call. That plan worked out so well on my Miata, why not try it again?

Photo: Steve DaSilva / Jalopnik

In person, the bike largely lived up to that video call. The army-green vinyl wrap was a little worse for wear than expected, but that’s likely coming off anyway — the factory blue paint underneath is much more to my taste. The tires, too, were rougher than expected. Not only were they mismatched, with the front having a much more aggressive off-road tread than the rear, but they’re positively ancient in tire terms — 2017 for the front, and 2013 for the rear.

The bike had a warning light on the dash for a burnt-out lamp, but all seemed to be functioning properly. The seller mentioned an upgrade to LED bulbs, so I’m assuming the issue has to do with a difference in impedance between the factory lamps and the more modern upgrades. I’ll be ignoring that for now.

This is the color hiding beneath that tan-green wrapPhoto: BMW Motorrad

The F800GS is, in every way, an upgrade over my old G310. That buzzy single has been replaced with a whopping two cylinders, putting out a combined 85 horsepower. The front wheel on my new GS is a full 21 inches, making it better for rolling over rocks, logs, and curbs than the old bike, and it carries its fuel underneath the seat — a fancy way to lower the center of gravity.

Not that low, however, as I discovered when I immediately dropped the bike in the seller’s driveway. The “Have I just indirectly killed this person?” look in his eye as he helped me lift the bike back up for my two-hour ride home was not subtle. I, for my part, blame the cold weather and his oddly-sloped driveway for the drop.

On the ride back, however, things didn’t feel much better — in fact, my new GS rides much, much worse than it looks. The bike is honestly sketchy bordering on scary when turning, and it needs its fair share of work before I go taking any more long trips. Luckily for you all, that means one thing: A series of wrenching blogs, starting with a roundup of all the faults I managed to discover on my new-to-me bike. Keep an eye out for that list coming soon.