Confusion between who is primary and who is secondary

My ex and I share a 6 year old daughter. Him and I were never married and have no legal custody arrangement. Our daughter is covered under both his health insurance plan and the plan my husbands job provides . Up until a few weeks ago. My daughters father’s plan was acting as primary based off the the birthday rule .

I received a survey from my health insurance company, asking about her father’s plan, and saying that there was a provision that changes the existing method in establishing the order of benefits determination, for a child of divorced, or separated parents . I reached out to my insurance and explained that there is no custody arrangement but my daughter lives with my husband and I in NY and visits her dad every other weekend in NJ , I was told that because of this our plan would now be primary . My problem is that the letter apparently came from the behavioral health side of my health insurance company ( my daughter has ADHD ) though the letter was on the letterhead of the medical side . After a lengthy phone conversations, the Hospital side and behavioral health side as well as her dads plan are now reflecting us as primary, but the health side of my insurance company is asking for a hand written letter , explaining that she lives with us. They also told me that every claim from when coverage started for her would have to be resubmitted, and the other plan would have to pay as secondary even though those claims were paid in full as primary. Is this true ? I am So confused and I don’t want to end up owning thousands of dollars because of a change in who’s insurance is primary coverage .

submitted by /u/AccomplishedLight448
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