These 'Magic Words' Make You More Influential

You write: If you “want to be more concrete, focus on the ‘how.’” If you “want to be more abstract, focus on the ‘why.’”

Suppose a client says to their advisor, “I’m scared about what’s happening in the market. Please recommend a safe investment.” What’s a concrete response from the advisor?

If a client should ask about a mutual fund, an annuity or investing in a stock, for example, you might [be prone to] say, “I can help you with that.”

But that’s very vague, almost like a Swiss Army knife — useful in every situation, but it doesn’t show you’re listening enough.

So rather than, “I can help with that,” say something like, “I’d be happy to look into a safe investment for you.”

That shows you’ve heard what the client said. You don’t have to repeat the same exact words they said but show that you’ve heard them by using specific language.

In our research into customer service, we find that people feel that, when someone uses concrete language, the other person listens to what they have to say.

Another category is “ask the right questions.” Advisors need clients to open up and talk about their lives and dreams because it helps with financial planning and investing strategy.

You recommend, in general, asking deep, probing questions and to use a bit of self-disclosure. What are the most effective types of questions?

Research finds that follow-up questions are particularly useful.

They show that you listened, understand and are responding to what someone said.

If a client says, “I think this might be what I want to do,” respond with, for instance, “Oh, interesting. Can you tell me more about that?” or, “I totally understand. I feel the same way about that. Tell me more.”

Any caveats about asking questions?

You always want to be careful because asking questions the wrong way can make people feel defensive. If you asked, “Why do you feel that way?” even though you might be only trying to collect information, it can seem a little like you’re attacking someone.

So sometimes it’s best to avoid using the word, “you,” because it can feel a bit accusatory.

Should advisors themselves ever ask others for advice?

Advisors [and others] worry that [asking for advice] will make people think they’re not knowledgeable or not on top of their game. Actually, a good deal of research shows the exact opposite is true:

Being asked for advice makes us seem more knowledgeable — people think we’re smart and more competent.

Another type of magic words focuses on “identity and agency.” To encourage desired actions, we need to signal who’s in charge, you write.

Suppose a client would like their advisor to use a certain strategy — maybe buy crypto or invest in a hedge fund. But the advisor doesn’t offer those. Should they respond, “I can’t do that,” or, “I don’t do that”?

I certainly think, “I don’t do that,” makes more sense, especially if you don’t offer something because you don’t think it’s a good idea — and not because you can’t.

Harnessing similarities (and differences) is yet another good opportunity for magic words. You write that similar language “increases liking, trust and a variety of positive downstream outcomes.” Please elaborate.

When you use [common] words that people are more familiar with versus complex words, it’s easier for them to process, and they’re more likely to keep paying attention.

Using similar language makes us feel like we’re all a part of the same tribe — like finding out that you went to the same high school with somebody or have the same birthday.

It makes you feel that you have something in common, and you like them more — so, the more you’re going to listen to them when they make a suggestion. You [put] more trust in what they have to say because it feels like you’re similar.

Language can be a powerful tool to do that.

Does using similar language extend to email conversations too?

Yes. Mirroring, or mimicking, someone’s use of language with similar language is a great way to make them feel like the two of you are more similar, which will make them more likely to listen to what you have to say.

For example, using similar language when writing back to a client can be a great way to make them feel like the two of you [have similarities], which will make them more likely to listen to [your suggestions].

This can be very subtle, like mirroring [the salutation] they use. They may say, “Hi, David,” or “Hey, David” — or just “David.”

“Employ emotion” in your language, you advise. Where does that category come into the picture of client-and-advisor interaction?

One way I think about emotion is how we hold [people’s] attention [with it].

“Hope,” for example, is a positive emotion, but it’s not a certain emotion: I’m hoping something will happen, but I’m not certain it will happen.

So using uncertain language is a great way to keep people’s attention — they’ll keep engaging because they’re trying to figure it out.

The language people use can be predictive of their behavior, you write. For instance, research shows that when filling out a loan application, if someone uses words like “payday loan,” “refinance,” “stress” and “God,” they’re more likely to default on their loan.

Re-payers use words like “reinvest,” “interest” and “tax.” That’s helpful to know!

You can mine the language that consumers use to give insight into future behavior. Their language reflects what they’re likely going to do in the future.

(Pictured: Jonah Berger)