MetroPlus Health: The Horror Saga

I just moved to NYC a few months ago, and had to find health insurance. I ended up going with MetroPlus because they seemed like a good, local nonprofit. What follows is a true story:

early January: I’m ready to pay my premium and get a doctor’s appointment for an infection that’s developing! But their online portal requires you to input your Member ID number in order to pay your first invoice… surely this is coming in the mail.

10 days later: After receiving nothing in the mail by mid-January, I call them, wait 1 hour on their help line. They say I need my Member ID number to pay my invoice, but I will only get my Member ID number after paying my first invoice. Re-read that sentence. Yes. My help person, Ricky, says if I give him my credit card info, he’ll do me a favor and take a payment over the phone and I will get my Member ID card in 10 days. I ask if I can book a doctor’s appointment now (the infection has been spreading all over my skin), Ricky says no, wait for the Member ID card.

10 days later: My card never came, and my infection – easily treated with a prescription – has been getting significantly worse. I spent an hour waiting on their help line. The same help person (Ricky) comes on the phone and says my card was never sent because they had an issue with the NY State of Health, and he’d look into it, could I please hold? Then … click! Ricky just hung up the phone. I called back, waited another hour, got another person. They said the NY State of Health had an issue, and I’d definitely now get a new card in 10 days. They gave me a number that would let me book a doctor’s appointment, thank god.

Finding a doctor: I called local doctors, but hardly any of them take MetroPlus. I finally find a doctor’s office that works, but they say I need to call MetroPlus first and confirm. NO! Not back to MetroPlus help line. I call back Metroplus, wait another hour, and get… yes… Ricky again, the guy who previously just hung up on me. He seemed embarrassed and talked very softly now. He confirmed my new primary doctor. My infection is now involving peeling, raw skin. Earliest appointment is in 2 weeks.

10 days later: Still waiting for my first doctor’s appointment, I get a text message saying my ID card will not come because I did not pay my first bill. The horror music starts playing softly in the background. I call help line again, praying it won’t be Ricky. After an hour on the help line (I’ve memorized all the songs now, *click* the line goes dead. I log in the member portal, built in 2003. I see the option to set a recurring payment – for *twice as much* as it should be. Why double what my premium was in January? If I don’t pay it, I won’t be able to get my Member ID card. I pay double my premium for February.

Last night, I wake up in the middle of the night, and at the foot of my bed is Ricky, standing. He is holding my MetroPlus ID card. He whispers “you still have not paid your first month’s bill”. I scream “NO!” and wake up.