Advice needed regarding how to respectfully inquire about life insurance after my father passed away.

My father committed suicide a week and a half ago, and the whole family has been processing grief on their own schedule. He used to talk to me about how he had X life insurance for me when he passed (I would brush it off and tell him why are you worrying about this dad, your not going to pass away any time soon 😥).

My stepmother has been dealing with everything in the meantime. We have kept in regular contact with each other checking in on how we are both doing. However, I have this life insurance question in my head, but I can’t bring myself to ask her yet because I feel that it’s rude, greedy, and insensitive for me to be inquiring about this so soon.

Here’s what I know:

My father tried to give my mother information regarding the life insurance 5-10 years ago but she told him to take it to my grandparents. My grandparents have confirmed this and are currently looking but have not found it. From this I know the amount in question.

I don’t know if I’m a primary or secondary beneficiary, and unfortunately there was no will or note.

He was a T&P disabled veteran so I may be able to reach out to the VA (not sure if the insurance was through the VA)

I’ve already signed up for the NACI.

Should I risk asking her and destroying our relationship? Should I wait a few more weeks? Should I reach out to the VA? If I don’t do something will I lose the ability to claim the life insurance?

Don’t get me wrong I’m still broken too but I’m just a little lost in what I need to do. I never was prepared for this and I don’t know how to advocate for myself in this situation.